Excerpts from The tragedy of MoyesBeth, by William Shakespeare (sponsored by Biro pens)

Act 1 Scene 1

A blasted training ground

Three players are huddled round a brazier. Vidic, Ferdinand and Giggs

Giggs : when shall we three win again, in thunder lightning or Old Trafford?

Ferdinand: When the hurlyburly's done, When the Premiership's lost and won. Or just lost, actually.

Vidic: I must away to Milan, or at least somewhere with a decent manager

Enter Lord MoyesBeth

MoyesBeth: OK lads, we must stir our loins and lay low the foe Man U on Saturday

Giggs: But boss, we are Man U

MoyesBeth: Really?

Act 2 Scene 1

MoyesBeth’s office

MoyesBeth: Is this a teamsheet which I see before me,
Kagawa toward my hand? Come, let me change thee.
I love thee not, and so I sub thee still.
Art thou not, Fellaini, capable
of shooting on sight? or art thou but
A selection of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from my defence-oppressed brain?
I see thee yet, poor form as palpable
As yet another home draw.


Act 3 Scene 4

A pre-match warmup

Enter the ghost of Sir Alex and sits in the duogut

MoyesBeth: Avaunt! and quit my sight! let the Racing Post hide thee!
Thy bones are marrowless, thy tea is cold;
Thou hast no speculation in those eyes
Which thou dost glare with!


Act 5 Scene 5

A boardroom.

Lord MoyesBeth enters, followed by Lord Glazer

MoyesBeth: No man who is born of football can harm MoyesBeth

Lord Glazer: But Glazer is born of money. Take that, MoyesBeth

MoyesBeth pockets a five million pound cheque and exits

Exeunt all, pursued by a crowd of distressed gentllefans

 
Image : Creative Commons license