10 definitions for the Internet Devil's Dictionary.

One of my literary heroes is Ambrose Bierce, American essayist and satirist, and author of the brilliantly sardonic Devil's Dictionary, originally published in 1906. I wonder what he would have made of the internet? Here are a few entries that might make it into the Devil's Dictionary of the Web:

Twitter: A monstrous mix of banality and irrelevance, filled with chatter from people you don't know about things you don't care about.

Facebook: A device for checking up on old school pals, and finding out that the big boy who bullied you in school is now calling himself Dolores and is a cocktail waitress in a bar in Tangier.

LinkedIn: A collection of CVs from job-seekers who have never worked with each other, but who write each other endless glowing testimonials in the hope of finding gainful employment again

SEO: An abbreviation for Seriously Expensive Ordure. A way of getting to number one in Google for "Lifestyle Coach, Orkney", regardless of your location or profession.

Internet Marketing: A way of selling course to people desperate to sell courses to other people desperate to become, er, Internet Marketers.

Blog: An intermittent rant written by a self-styled expert, read exclusively by other bloggers, if at all.

YouTube: A place for people to upload 15-minute pieces to camera about how their business is better than the one next door, or video clips of people walking into lamp posts.

Foursquare: A network established by footpads and thieves to discover when people are away from home

Instgram: Pictures of your cat in a hat and sunglasses, or of your friends making strange faces, digitally altered to look like grainy old pictures to show on high definition screens.

Empire Avenue: A cross between derivatives trading and Myspace. No-one really knows what it's for.

I wonder if others could suggest more entries?



Picture Credit: Wikipedia Creative Commons