Wednesday, May 01, 2013

10 definitions for the Internet Devil's Dictionary.

One of my literary heroes is Ambrose Bierce, American essayist and satirist, and author of the brilliantly sardonic Devil's Dictionary, originally published in 1906. I wonder what he would have made of the internet? Here are a few entries that might make it into the Devil's Dictionary of the Web:

Twitter: A monstrous mix of banality and irrelevance, filled with chatter from people you don't know about things you don't care about.

Facebook: A device for checking up on old school pals, and finding out that the big boy who bullied you in school is now calling himself Dolores and is a cocktail waitress in a bar in Tangier.

LinkedIn: A collection of CVs from job-seekers who have never worked with each other, but who write each other endless glowing testimonials in the hope of finding gainful employment again

SEO: An abbreviation for Seriously Expensive Ordure. A way of getting to number one in Google for "Lifestyle Coach, Orkney", regardless of your location or profession.

Internet Marketing: A way of selling course to people desperate to sell courses to other people desperate to become, er, Internet Marketers.

Blog: An intermittent rant written by a self-styled expert, read exclusively by other bloggers, if at all.

YouTube: A place for people to upload 15-minute pieces to camera about how their business is better than the one next door, or video clips of people walking into lamp posts.

Foursquare: A network established by footpads and thieves to discover when people are away from home

Instgram: Pictures of your cat in a hat and sunglasses, or of your friends making strange faces, digitally altered to look like grainy old pictures to show on high definition screens.

Empire Avenue: A cross between derivatives trading and Myspace. No-one really knows what it's for.

I wonder if others could suggest more entries?

Picture Credit: Wikipedia Creative Commons

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