The Media Coach 25th April 2014

Shakespeare’s Tragedy - MoyesBeth; Molly at Eurovision; Andy Warhol; Nigel Farage; A few words after dinner; They didn’t give me enough time; Go your own way; An interview with Dale Irvin; Music from Ashton Lane

Check out this episode!

Excerpts from The tragedy of MoyesBeth, by William Shakespeare (sponsored by Biro pens)

Act 1 Scene 1

A blasted training ground

Three players are huddled round a brazier. Vidic, Ferdinand and Giggs

Giggs : when shall we three win again, in thunder lightning or Old Trafford?

Ferdinand: When the hurlyburly's done, When the Premiership's lost and won. Or just lost, actually.

Vidic: I must away to Milan, or at least somewhere with a decent manager

Enter Lord MoyesBeth

MoyesBeth: OK lads, we must stir our loins and lay low the foe Man U on Saturday

Giggs: But boss, we are Man U

MoyesBeth: Really?

Act 2 Scene 1

MoyesBeth’s office

MoyesBeth: Is this a teamsheet which I see before me,
Kagawa toward my hand? Come, let me change thee.
I love thee not, and so I sub thee still.
Art thou not, Fellaini, capable
of shooting on sight? or art thou but
A selection of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from my defence-oppressed brain?
I see thee yet, poor form as palpable
As yet another home draw.


Act 3 Scene 4

A pre-match warmup

Enter the ghost of Sir Alex and sits in the duogut

MoyesBeth: Avaunt! and quit my sight! let the Racing Post hide thee!
Thy bones are marrowless, thy tea is cold;
Thou hast no speculation in those eyes
Which thou dost glare with!


Act 5 Scene 5

A boardroom.

Lord MoyesBeth enters, followed by Lord Glazer

MoyesBeth: No man who is born of football can harm MoyesBeth

Lord Glazer: But Glazer is born of money. Take that, MoyesBeth

MoyesBeth pockets a five million pound cheque and exits

Exeunt all, pursued by a crowd of distressed gentllefans

 
Image : Creative Commons license

The MediaCoach 18th April 2014

Happy weekend!; UK Blog Awards app; The Small Business Book Awards; Lui Bolin; Silence in court; The practice of practice; No sleep for the media; Four social media tools; An interview with Jolene Jang; Music from the Lost Hollow Band

Check out this episode!

The Media Coach 11th April 2014

This week; Peaches Geldof; Oscar Pistorius; Maria Miller; Mickey Rooney; Oops on a boat; Where’s the connection?; Being Media-ready; Do you take your own social media advice?; An interview with Elizabeth Wright; Music from We Are Kodeta

Check out this episode!

Ten tips for Anti-Social Media

With all the attention paid to Social Media, there's been little focus on its related discipline, anti-social media. Here are a few tips to make sure that you know how to use anti-social media for no gain and scant profit: 

1) Promote yourself relentlessly, at all times. Make sure that every message is a selling one, so that your friends and followers understand what you are really about.

2) Never offer help. Why give away something that people should pay you for?

3) Re-send messages from experts, to give the impression that you have the same thoughts. Occasionally "forget" to mention their name to reinforce this impression.

4) Hide your identity behind a silly name or jumble of letters. You don't want to end up on a spammers list, do you?

5) Try to get as many people to follow you as possible, but ignore them completely. They are just your potential customers, so they have nothing to offer you.

6) Cut and paste articles and pretend that you wrote them (or at least hint at it by making it hard to spot the name of the original author).

7) Automate everything so that you never have to be at your computer, There are better things to do than listen to the dull conversations in social networks.

8) Constantly promote money-making schemes that you don't use yourself (because they don't work). You can make loads of money selling these as an affiliate.

9) Insult and abuse others, to damage their reputations and reduce their chance of getting work.

10) Never miss an opportunity to tell people that they are doing it wrong, and you are doing it right. They will get the message eventually, and give up, leaving you the winner. 

There you go. If you follow these rules on a daily basis, your business will change dramatically, albeit in the wrong direction.

The Media Coach 4th April 2014

This week; Tabloid headlines; Our new TV studios; Working the Room; A two year old hero; Anti-Zombie Pong; More rhetorical devices; Seven Media Deadly Sins; What time are you on?; An interview with Rod Sloane; Music from Katie Sutherland

Check out this episode!