Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Excerpts from The tragedy of MoyesBeth, by William Shakespeare (sponsored by Biro pens)
Act 1 Scene 1
A blasted training ground
Three players are huddled round a brazier. Vidic, Ferdinand and Giggs
Giggs : when shall we three win again, in thunder lightning or Old Trafford?
Ferdinand: When the hurlyburly's done, When the Premiership's lost and won. Or just lost, actually.
Vidic: I must away to Milan, or at least somewhere with a decent manager
Enter Lord MoyesBeth
MoyesBeth: OK lads, we must stir our loins and lay low the foe Man U on Saturday
Giggs: But boss, we are Man U
Act 2 Scene 1
MoyesBeth: Is this a teamsheet which I see before me,
Kagawa toward my hand? Come, let me change thee.
I love thee not, and so I sub thee still.
Art thou not, Fellaini, capable
of shooting on sight? or art thou but
A selection of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from my defence-oppressed brain?
I see thee yet, poor form as palpable
As yet another home draw.
Act 3 Scene 4
A pre-match warmup
Enter the ghost of Sir Alex and sits in the duogut
MoyesBeth: Avaunt! and quit my sight! let the Racing Post hide thee!
Thy bones are marrowless, thy tea is cold;
Thou hast no speculation in those eyes
Which thou dost glare with!
Act 5 Scene 5
Lord MoyesBeth enters, followed by Lord Glazer
MoyesBeth: No man who is born of football can harm MoyesBeth
Lord Glazer: But Glazer is born of money. Take that, MoyesBeth
MoyesBeth pockets a five million pound cheque and exits
Exeunt all, pursued by a crowd of distressed gentllefans
Image : Creative Commons license