Friday, December 12, 2008

How to drive away web traffic

Here are a few rules that you can implement if you want to keep those annoying visitors away from your website. After, all, they only send you pestering emails trying to buy things from you. It's a real nuisance. Even if you only follow one of these rules, you will be able to reduce the amount of inconvenient requests from potential customers by a huge amount. Ready?

* Insist on customer registration before they can see all the pages
* Keep popping up screens asking them if they want your newsletter, or would like to fill in a survey
* Have text scrolling across the screen, like a neon sign
* Give detailed information about the history of your organisation
* Hide links under innocent-looking pictures
* Use lots of flash, so that poorly-sighted people with screen readers can't make sense of the page
* Include the phrase "Optimised for Internet Explorer"
* Tell users that they have to download software to see the page properly
* Use cheap clip art and standard images
* Tell the visitor what their problem is

There, that should do it.

1 comment:

Steve said...

Damn! All those good tricks for gaining more leisure time, and I don't think I'm using ANY of them!